Some Songs in My Life at the Moment

I have downloaded a few nice songs that I do consider my favorite these days. I’ve got seven versions of Moon River (that of Audrey Hepburn, Sarah Brightman, Henry Mancini, etc.), two versions of An Affair to Remember (Nat King Cole, The Philippine Madrigal Singers), Tori Amos’ 1000 Oceans and the greatest song that I’ve ever heard, No Other Love (Chopin).

I’ve grown to love these songs since I was a little girl even if I do not know the lyrics then, I just know the melody and hummed it. Perhaps it’s the singer and the old soul in me that made me fall in love with these songs.

I remember telling someone that when I grow old, I’m gonna tell my children and perhaps my children’s children about this guy whom I considered my one great love. When I told him this, it was a spontaneous thought, I just said it the way I’ve honestly felt it that time.

I believe, each one of us has our own love stories to tell and songs that go with them. That each of us had at one point our lives fell in love, loved, was loved and became love itself in the process.

Love, like songs do not vanish, though they sometimes fade away… and may even go out of tune… they do not end… they just evolve. Our life unfolds like a beautiful love song, it is definitely worth singing, perhaps be danced upon…. It is a love song worth remembering.

Songs need not be sung perfectly. The nicest melodies are the ones that come from the soul. A perfect song is one that crosses the boundaries of time and a lot of other limitations of this world.

There are no rules on how you choose to sing your songs, on how you wish to experience life. Simply sing it from your soul and dance according to your heart’s desire.

A love song may be a sad song or a happy song. It simply depends on how you wish to see it.

My Version of Bucket List

The film The Bucket List that starred Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman inspired me. It is a story about two old cancer stricken men – one who has a family (Freeman) who worked all his life for his family and the other (Nicholson) is a rich guy who owns a hospital but who lived alone and who comes with his handy assistant guy. The two became roommates in the hospital when they were both confined for chemotherapy. It was not long when the two became friends and eventually went out of the hospital to pursue the bucket list that Freeman wrote. This bucket list is a list of the things that he wants to accomplish before he dies. Nicholson, having the financial means, offered to go with Freeman. They went to different places and did daredevil things that you would not imagine two cancer patients would do.

Anyways, I would not wait to be sick and eventually meet a rich friend who can be with me to pursue my bucket list. My bucket list got no rules, whatever goes in my heart, I’ll write. My list may range from serious to crazy stuff. Here is my bucket list:

1. Write letters or short notes to all the people in my life – my family, friends, workmates and even those whom I’ve met briefly. Well, partly I was able to do that through my recent blogs (Friends – I Don’t Have Much but the Ones I’ve Got are More than Treasures).

2. Give blessings to every soul I meet. When you give blessings to every people you meet along the way, you acknowledge their presence and the thought that they are in your life (or you have called them in your life) for some of the simplest or the most important lessons that you have to undergo. Giving blessings need not be verbal, it can be given in silence.

3. Forgive. By forgiving, it doesn’t mean that you see someone has committed a sin or has done you wrong. You do not see yourself having committed a sin or has done someone wrong. It simply means letting go and releasing. You simply do not hold on. Forgiving is letting go, letting be, without judgment. It is seeing beyond the form.

4. I’ll have my last tattoo piece or pieces.

5. I’ll write, direct and produce my dream film. It need not be shown in a big theater and be seen my many. I’ll be simply happy if this dream will be realized. I feel this film will be something that speaks of the soul.

6. I’ll email Johnny Depp, my favorite actor. Or if I do change my mind, perhaps I’ll email James Blunt the singer / songwriter.

7. I’ll leave my family the design of my tomb and what shall be written on it. Actually, I’ve pin tucked a magazine clipping of an angel sculpture in my locker at home years ago. Mind you, it is still safely tucked there. It would be a bonus if there will be a nice cat statue beside the li’l angel.

8. I’ll have a nice suntan.

9. I’ll have a small exhibit of my artworks open to all my friends and those who want to know my soul.

10. I’ll go bunjee jumping.

11. I’ll try to see and listen with the soul. I used to say that I think first before I feel (typical of a Gemini), I’d say I’m more of a thinker than a “feeler” then. Now I am learning to see, feel and listen from the soul.

12. To keep in mind that I have all the freedom to be who I want to be (that is to define who I am, how I choose life to be) but I do not have the freedom to control how I want others to be (or how they choose to experience life). I’ve read somewhere that “Masters give themselves the freedom to make any choice they wish – and give those they love the same freedom.”

13. To try to keep up with Simple Abundance. To live in the knowledge that what I’ve got is all that I need and what I do not have, I do not need. That all is perfect and is in its divine order.

14. To try to continue writing. If possible, to try to help others in their healing through my writings and in the process, heal myself as well. We are all born healers.

15. To be where I need to be and not have doubts about it.

16. Love and be nothing but love. Yup, you got it right, I’ll be LOVE and nothing but LOVE ‘cause I am love like you and everyone else. Love is the truth of our being.

17. I’ll buy an antic treasure chest where I’ll keep all the books that I’ve read. Sounds a bit eerie but I know in time, these books will find the next person who’s meant to read them and be with them.

18. Learn to play the guitar and I mean really play it.

19. Try to sing again… I haven’t sung a song since my mom passed away.

20. Use my name Eira for one whole day… Eira is my soul name. That’s why when I write, I sign it with Eira. That means I’m writing from the soul.

Like the characters of Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, they did not care of their sickness, if they are gonna die tomorrow, they simply lived the moment. They lived in the now. I just wish everyone will find time to live the moment and not be bothered by anything at all, be it sickness, financial status or life’s low moments. After all, you just have to recognize that all you have asked or prayed for is already given to you. Or shall I say, it’s been with you all along. It’s a matter of finding it within you.

I Know Him By Heart

“Cause I know he’s out there somewhere just beyond my reach
Though I’ve never really touched him or ever heard him speak
Though we’ve never been together
We’ve never been apart
No we’ve never met, haven’t found him yet but I know him by heart.”
(A few nice lines from Vonda Shepard’s song I Know Him By Heart)

We all have kept this vision of our ideal partner – “The One” or the soul mate as all of us have referred to most of our lives. He or she may be the one we’ve been dreaming of since we were kids.

Some may have been lucky to have found their princes and princesses and have ended up with them. Some have been trying to find theirs for quite some time. Some may have drifted from one partner to another and a lot of others trying to find “The One”. Some have decided to grow and live with themselves.

I myself have thought that I have found him… but then I’ve realized it’s still a long way to go. I’ve still got a few homework to do for myself as I remember him said it. Well, I prefer to call it “soul work”.

“Am I living an illusion wanting something I can’t see
If I compromise I’d be living lies pretending love’s not meant to be
Cause I know my heart’s worth saving and I know that he’ll be waiting
So I’ll hold on and I’ll stay strong till then

Cause I know he’s out there somewhere just beyond my reach
Though I’ve never really touched him or ever heard him speak
Though we’ve never been together
We’ve never been apart
No we’ve never met, haven’t found him yet but I know him by heart.”

I’ve realized that as long as you know what you want in mind and in your heart, it’s already been given to you or it has been with you all along. So cheer up and don’t sulk in the corner, don’t even try to settle for second best or anything less than you truly deserve. Try to sing Vonda Shepard’s song I Know Him By Heart. You’ll realize that there is such a thing called divine absolute … that order and perfection do exist. It doesn’t single out anyone for it includes everyone and everything.

One may interpret this song as a love song -- one that tells that one would know when the person meant for him or her comes, he or she will know.

This song may also speak of finding “J” or God or Love (or however you want to address Him). I believe this song speaks a whole lot about trusting and “just being.” When you find your Love, you find yourself and when you find yourself and what’s within, you find “J” or God.

Friends (I don’t have much but the ones I’ve got are more than treasures)

There are friends that you’ve had for several years and there are those that you’ve had after a brief meeting. There are those who stay in your life for the longest time and there are those who suddenly drift away from you. One thing I’m certain with the friends that I have or have had, my soul ties with them.

Friends… well I’ve got my best friend Karen. She’s been my “bestest friend” since our college days in PWU Fine Arts. We’ve been through a lot together. A lot of ups and downs. We’ve been best of friends for more than a decade now. I’d say our friendship is something not bounded by distance or time. I know that when we grow old and gray, we would still have each other.

Some important friends are those who come from your own family. I’ve had the chance to have my Mom as my friend. I remember her not only as my mother but also my great friend – one of the greatest I’ve had perhaps.

I’ve got my cousin Elmer, my Cebu and Bohol buddy… I hope the next time we go to Cebu, you’ll try the Sky Adventure with me.

My other great friend and cousin Pebbles, I will always cherish our being friends back when we were little girls. We used to write snail mails to each other then. I kinda miss that now that you’re in the US.

I also have Rachelle, my best friend in the Catholic school during my elementary years. We seldom see each other but we know we’ll always be friends and will always be there for each other. She’s married now and got two kids and we only hear from each other through text messages and very brief chats when we see each other. Thanks for little girls’ laugh that we share whenever I see you.

Another friend is Jun, my copywriter / creative director friend. We’ve met at the ad agency in Ortigas where I briefly worked. He is one great big brother. We get to go out for coffee once in a while. He’s been with me when I was heart broken, well… “heart broken” cause that’s the way I chose to see it during those days.

Juddha, whom I acknowledge as my soul brother and guide. Can’t forget some of the most precious thoughts he shared with me. Some of these are: “If there is only eternity then nothing and no one is ever lost.” I also learned from him how to bless others with love and light. Thanks my soul buddy! Continue being an artist of the spoken word! And an Artist of the Spirit as well!

Andre, my Mowelfund buddy who says we got a unique friendship… I’m still figuring out what you are trying to mirror on me. You are one heck of a friend that I can talk to about almost anything and everything under the sun. One thing I’d like you to keep in mind is to learn to live in the moment.

My Pink Fairy friend, I wish you reach your dreams and make your Mom happy, I know that it’s all you ever want in this world. My sorrys if I sometimes get mad at you or preach you when it comes to work. It’s nothing personal, it’s more than personal… cause you are my friend.

My editor friend Jonnel who’s been one of my best buddies in the production. My consultant when it comes to gadgets and techie stuff. Thanks for the coffee tambay!

My Ilonggo filmmaker nephew Oskie, I hope we get to work on a really nice film project. I can work on the script and you on the camera work.

My actor friend who always send me posts for their film grant, thanks for the constant reminder that I should push with my writing and create a nice out of the box film material. Well, I still got to connive my material with “the commercial value” aspect.

My friends from tv commercial production, that includes Chriz, who also cried when he saw me crying when my Mom died. My friend Denden who’s 10 years younger than me who’s life has got a lot to do with love and her daughter. My production manager friend Sir Awel, the silent intellectual guy who’s got a library of books. Thanks for reminding me that we can all still smile while working under extreme pressure. My other production manager friend Sir Joel, whom I’ve known when I was still a production assistant then and who introduced me to RS, my sincerest thanks. To Sir Marty, Tita Pinky, Meanne, Belt, Ramil and the rest of RS people, I really felt I belong to the family.

Mama Tess who gave me a motherly hug just when I badly needed one.

My new found friends Paty and Pol who work as my assistants in my casting. You guys are great! Pol and Paty you’ve got a nice career waiting for you in the production. You guys remind me of my younger days in the production – full of energy and aspirations. Hope to see you when that time comes. In the meantime, welcome the “rackets” or the part time work that I offer you from time to time. I’d like to give credits to Pol for being my fashion stylist whenever we go malling and for reminding me not to forget the joy and the spirit.

I also got to meet Arielle and became instant friends with her. We even see each other as soul sisters. She says it’s not often for her to find friends of the same wavelength.

To the talents, the kids, the adults, the talent agents and parents that I got to meet in my castings and tv commercial shoots, the brief meetings we have are all part of my journey.

To J for teaching me a lot then that has got to do with love and my spirituality now. You’ve taught me a great lesson on forgiveness... Thank you for teaching me “That nothing unreal exists, nothing real can be threatened.” I know we will always have a connection… in Kairos perhaps.

To the authors of the many books that I’ve read and still reading, I salute you for bringing light and love into my life. In these books I got to know Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet), Gary Zukav (The Seat of the Soul; Soul Stories), Don Miguel Ruiz (The Mastery of Love; The Voice of Knowledge; The Four Agreements), Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now), Sarah Breathnach (Simple Abundance), Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Women Who Run with the Wolves), Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life), Anne Marie Groth (Awaken to the Healer Within), Deepak Chopra (Fire in the Heart; Life After Death; Peace is the Way), Oriah Mountain Dreamer (The Call; The Invitation), Neale Donald Walsh (Friendship with God -an uncommon dialogue) -- all of them are facets of myself. Your books feed my soul.

To all of you guys, those that I’ve mentioned and those that I have not, thank you for being with me in my journey… for in one way or another touching my life. If I indeed called you to be in my life, my sincerest thanks!

Hey, I’m not going in a faraway land or anything, I just want thank you all for being my treasures! For being such great finds!

I will always honor our connection no matter how the form changes. If you need to leave my life, it shall be respected ‘cause I know that the connection will always be there.

Love and Light!

Some of Life’s Puzzles… aren’t Puzzles at all ( I hope you can dig on it)

Do you know that the people that you see, those you are with or you’ve been with are there because you created them and that you wanted them to be there? I guess you may find these odd or crazy.

You called on them (the people and also the circumstances and incidents) to be in your life… in your journey.

On a spiritual thinking mind, all that you see around you are all part of the dream that you created for yourself. Perhaps to play a big part in your life’s greatest teachings or lessons.

Even your parents, your husband, your wife, your children, your best friend, your workmates and even the work and kind of living that you have are all products of your choosing. I know how this may sound so unreligious.

I’ve always been spiritual in my own ways and thinking (although I’d say I’m non traditional or non-conformist in my spirituality). I do acknowledge “the Bigger Hand” behind and beyond us all. That we are all One. That I am you and you are me…. But this is one puzzle in life that I cannot deny. That we create our own adventure… the characters that we want to be with… the life that we want to live. These are all our choice. To call them or not to call them in our stories, in our lives.

We all go through this at one point in our lives when we ask with a lot of whys and hows and even what ifs. If only we are aware that where and what you are right now is perfect and is in the divine order in your spiritual journey, you wouldn’t ask anymore question nor put yourselves in doubts and uncertainties. You will know that where you are is where you needed to be at the moment.

There may be some people in your life who keeps on popping out from time to time and this may cause you to doubt and ask why he or she keeps on presenting himself/ herself to your life or why he keeps on being in the picture. Just acknowledge his or her presence and dwell on mindfulness and listen. Do not reject his presence and what he has to say for if you do, you are rejecting not just him but also yourself and perhaps one of your life’s greatest lessons. Who knows, he may just be a mirror to the many issues you have in your life, most of them are the ones that you love to deny or forget.

Listen to the sound of the breezes (and I mean truly listen) and you’ll find yourself connected to the Universe or to “The Bigger Hand” and much more to yourself and to your otherselves.

Listen. Try to see everything in Love and Light.

Journey

I’d say everyone goes through his or her own journey… in his or her own time. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve come, what matters is how much farther you’re willing to go and sometimes let go. How much you’re willing to perfect your soul and not your personality or the self you have known and have come to believe as your real self.

For the past 10 years of my work in the tv commercial production, I’d say I’ve traveled a bit farther and was able to accomplish parts of the task that I am here for. I’d say not all of it but some parts of it. In my own ways, I was able to create the dream that I know I need to create and realize. Although, there is still a lot of remaining work to do to be the soul that I ought to be… the soul that I am.

A lot is still yet to be accomplished. I always bear in mind that there is a Greater and Bigger Knowledge working with us always. That there is bigger hand that handles the steering wheel as we drive the road. That we are all perfect and in the right place in our spiritual journey.

Sometimes the road seems to be too bumpy, sometimes muddy, sometimes so smooth. No matter how your road appears to you, just remember that you are meant to be at that road and travel it. Whatever road you take or how much time you take to travel that road, it shall always lead you home. Where is home really? You will definitely know when you get there.

Here I am, still traveling my road… There are times though that I choose to travel the less taken path… the less traveled roads, there are times when I do conform.

There are times when I dare to do something different… not to prove myself or my capabilities. You actually don’t have to give reasons nor justification for doing something… just do it and let be.

A few days ago I did the Sky Adventure at the Crown Regency in Cebu City. I did the Sky Walk and rode the Edge Coaster. If there was a sky dive or bunjee jump, I might have done it too. Well, I know that all these are part of the illusions of the world that I created for myself. So I just thought, why not chill out, enjoy and not bother to take life seriously. Who wants drama? I definitely don’t.

Throughout one’s journey, he’ll meet himself and the rest of his other selves. That is when you get to rediscover and remember who you really are and it shall lead you home...

Trust the Universe

"TRUST THE UNIVERSE. There is no when to that, there is no if to that. It is. Release your specifications & say to the Universe : FIND ME WHERE YOU KNOW I NEED TO BE. Let them go & trust that the Universe will provide & so it shall. Let go of all. Let your higher self complete its task."

Last May 29, Friday night, I had an accident at the GMA MRT stairs, I fell 3 to 4 steps...and sprained my ankle.

There were about 5 people who helped me that night. First was this fellow commuter, a man who looked at me for a few seconds then I asked him if he can call the guards or the police upstairs cause I can hardly move my left foot nor stand up. Then there was this lady about my age, her name is Tina who works for Japan Airllines. She just went back to check on me. She said she saw me sitting on the stairs... She said she waited to see if I'll go downstairs and she got worried when I didn't go down after a few minutes that she then decided to go back and see me. We were complete strangers. Tina really offered to stay with me.

Then the guards and the MRT officer that time came to help me. They even offered to place me in a stretcher but i declined. They then carried me on a monoblock chair going to the taxi stand. It was a really scene... a bit embarrassing but i did not think of it at all. They rushed me to East Avenue Medical Center. It's the nearest to the MRT station and to our new place in Teachers Village.

I called on my sister to meet me at the hospital.

At the emergency / trauma department of the East Avenue Medical Center, I've seen a lot that night... people with different emergency cases... I've seen a woman seated on a wheelchair about to give birth and bleeding. I've seen an old man in pain having a foot surgery a few steps away from where my wheelchair is. I've seen a kid girl with her mother who says her child fell from the stairs and has been vomiting. I've seen a host of several cases during the few hours that I've waited there to have my splint made. A few realizations came in.

I would like to believe I was placed in that specific area that time or shall I say, had this accident for a reason. One copywiter friend told me that perhaps it's a sign that I should slow down a bit... with work that is. I've been putting myself into so much work lately perhaps to keep myself busy & not entertain sad thoughts.

In one of the books that I've read, feet related aches or sickness indicate the fear to move forward... or move on. Well, I am contemplating on that. Trying to think which aspect of my life do I need to review and let go fully.

From all these, I shall go back to the very simple thought of "trusting the Universe" (God) and letting go and knowing that you are perfect and in the right place in your spiritual journey.

That night when I had the accident I've seen a lot of my other selves -- mirror reflections. I've seen a kid and her mom, a woman, an old man, the MRT officer and the guards and Tina. I have even seen some of my fears. But then again, I know and I am aware that a Greater Knowledge is working with me towards my perfection -- that is the perfection of my soul.

To Tina Mulato, the GMA MRT guards & officer that night & to the guy fellow MRT commuter who helped me that night, & to the doctors & hospital staff at The East Avenue Medical Center, to the our building guard & staff, much thanks to you all po!