Journey

I’d say everyone goes through his or her own journey… in his or her own time. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve come, what matters is how much farther you’re willing to go and sometimes let go. How much you’re willing to perfect your soul and not your personality or the self you have known and have come to believe as your real self.

For the past 10 years of my work in the tv commercial production, I’d say I’ve traveled a bit farther and was able to accomplish parts of the task that I am here for. I’d say not all of it but some parts of it. In my own ways, I was able to create the dream that I know I need to create and realize. Although, there is still a lot of remaining work to do to be the soul that I ought to be… the soul that I am.

A lot is still yet to be accomplished. I always bear in mind that there is a Greater and Bigger Knowledge working with us always. That there is bigger hand that handles the steering wheel as we drive the road. That we are all perfect and in the right place in our spiritual journey.

Sometimes the road seems to be too bumpy, sometimes muddy, sometimes so smooth. No matter how your road appears to you, just remember that you are meant to be at that road and travel it. Whatever road you take or how much time you take to travel that road, it shall always lead you home. Where is home really? You will definitely know when you get there.

Here I am, still traveling my road… There are times though that I choose to travel the less taken path… the less traveled roads, there are times when I do conform.

There are times when I dare to do something different… not to prove myself or my capabilities. You actually don’t have to give reasons nor justification for doing something… just do it and let be.

A few days ago I did the Sky Adventure at the Crown Regency in Cebu City. I did the Sky Walk and rode the Edge Coaster. If there was a sky dive or bunjee jump, I might have done it too. Well, I know that all these are part of the illusions of the world that I created for myself. So I just thought, why not chill out, enjoy and not bother to take life seriously. Who wants drama? I definitely don’t.

Throughout one’s journey, he’ll meet himself and the rest of his other selves. That is when you get to rediscover and remember who you really are and it shall lead you home...

Trust the Universe

"TRUST THE UNIVERSE. There is no when to that, there is no if to that. It is. Release your specifications & say to the Universe : FIND ME WHERE YOU KNOW I NEED TO BE. Let them go & trust that the Universe will provide & so it shall. Let go of all. Let your higher self complete its task."

Last May 29, Friday night, I had an accident at the GMA MRT stairs, I fell 3 to 4 steps...and sprained my ankle.

There were about 5 people who helped me that night. First was this fellow commuter, a man who looked at me for a few seconds then I asked him if he can call the guards or the police upstairs cause I can hardly move my left foot nor stand up. Then there was this lady about my age, her name is Tina who works for Japan Airllines. She just went back to check on me. She said she saw me sitting on the stairs... She said she waited to see if I'll go downstairs and she got worried when I didn't go down after a few minutes that she then decided to go back and see me. We were complete strangers. Tina really offered to stay with me.

Then the guards and the MRT officer that time came to help me. They even offered to place me in a stretcher but i declined. They then carried me on a monoblock chair going to the taxi stand. It was a really scene... a bit embarrassing but i did not think of it at all. They rushed me to East Avenue Medical Center. It's the nearest to the MRT station and to our new place in Teachers Village.

I called on my sister to meet me at the hospital.

At the emergency / trauma department of the East Avenue Medical Center, I've seen a lot that night... people with different emergency cases... I've seen a woman seated on a wheelchair about to give birth and bleeding. I've seen an old man in pain having a foot surgery a few steps away from where my wheelchair is. I've seen a kid girl with her mother who says her child fell from the stairs and has been vomiting. I've seen a host of several cases during the few hours that I've waited there to have my splint made. A few realizations came in.

I would like to believe I was placed in that specific area that time or shall I say, had this accident for a reason. One copywiter friend told me that perhaps it's a sign that I should slow down a bit... with work that is. I've been putting myself into so much work lately perhaps to keep myself busy & not entertain sad thoughts.

In one of the books that I've read, feet related aches or sickness indicate the fear to move forward... or move on. Well, I am contemplating on that. Trying to think which aspect of my life do I need to review and let go fully.

From all these, I shall go back to the very simple thought of "trusting the Universe" (God) and letting go and knowing that you are perfect and in the right place in your spiritual journey.

That night when I had the accident I've seen a lot of my other selves -- mirror reflections. I've seen a kid and her mom, a woman, an old man, the MRT officer and the guards and Tina. I have even seen some of my fears. But then again, I know and I am aware that a Greater Knowledge is working with me towards my perfection -- that is the perfection of my soul.

To Tina Mulato, the GMA MRT guards & officer that night & to the guy fellow MRT commuter who helped me that night, & to the doctors & hospital staff at The East Avenue Medical Center, to the our building guard & staff, much thanks to you all po!

My Poor Pink Fairy Friend… May the Universe Forgive Those Ugly Creatures in Padre Faura.

Last Tuesday night after my pre-production meeting for my tv commercial project, I immediately went to PGH where my poor Pink Fairy Friend is confined. He was unfortunately held up and was stabbed by merciless creatures at Padre Faura last Sunday night.

I would like to believe that he just happened to be at the wrong place and time that wee hours of Sunday. He was going to a tv shoot location and he was with his teen-ager talent.

I am really shattered to see my friend with big stab wounds in the arm and much deeper stab wounds in the stomach area that damaged his intestines. When he saw me, he couldn’t help but shed tears. He tried so hard to speak and tell me what happened that Sunday. He said he tried to defend himself but there were two men and he was just with a helpless teen-aged boy. He said he doesn’t want to give his I.D. and his cellphone…. perhaps he worked so much for those things.

I’ve known my Pink Fairy Friend around four years ago. He was an assistant to a talent agent and I was a caster. Then time came when he had no work and fortunately, I needed an assistant for my casting work for tv commercials. So I took him in to be my assistant. He is about my age but a bit immature but I saw his eagerness to learn and enthusiasm to reach his simple goals.

From the few projects we’ve had, I would say we also became friends. He was even a confidante. This guy has always been very appreciative of the simple things that he said he was able to learn from me and from our work.

Time came when I told him that maybe his real calling is to become a talent agent or a talent manager because that is where he is great at and I know that he’ll be a great talent manager some day. I know he misunderstood me at that time, he thought I didn’t like his work, but then I’ve explained to him that I do see a greater future in his being a talent agent or manager.

True enough, he was able to penetrate television, he started supplying audience for tv variety shows. He said he doesn’t earn much but he enjoys his work much. I remember he would always show me his I.D. issued by a big tv network – with his name in it and his designation as talent coordinator. He also became a part of a talent agency. I’ve seen him slowly fulfilling his dreams.

My Pink Fairy Friend is a loving son to his sickly mom who lives in the province. One time when we had a talk, he showed me bank deposit slips. He sees to it that the bigger percentage of his earnings goes to his mom. My friend is very selfless.

Well, perhaps he is indeed selfless –- he thought not about his cellphone but he thought of the safety of the teenager talent he was with that gruesome Sunday. He feared not only for his life but also for the life of that boy.

The first words that came from me when I first saw him when I visited him last Tuesday, “Sana hindi ka na lumaban.” But then I am not my Pink Fairy friend.

I can’t help but feel hatred towards those ugly night creatures in Padre Faura who stabbed and almost killed my friend. My friend is just trying to earn a clean living and trying to fulfill his simple dreams. I do pray that the Bigger and Greater Knowledge in this life would not place you in eternal damnation, if such really exists. My Pink Fairy friend is so forgiving that he said he had already forgiven those creatures.

To my Pink Fairy Friend, get well soon…. We’ll still have projects together! Love and Light to you!

To those ugly night creatures, may you find simple abundance and may you find God and love within you. May you realize that providing for yourself or for your family doesn’t have to mean almost stabbing someone to death.

May your souls find the light that would remove the darkness in your poverty stricken path. To all these, I shall say Amen.

Be Brave Little One

"always keep a little prayer in your pocket
and you're sure to see the light..
soon there'll be joy and happiness
and your little world will be bright.

don't cry little one
there'll be a smile when your wishes come true
you must try to be brave little one...
someone's waiting to love you..."

Why do we always have to put up a brave face? Why are we afraid to show how we really feel? We do not have to pretend to be somebody we are not... to show that we're okay when we are not. Yes, we really have to be brave and try to show our true colors.

When we were kids, we are very much aware of our true colors.... much the less, our true emotions. There is so much honesty and sincerity in almost everything we do. When we are hungry or thirsty, we basically tell our moms and dads that we're hungry. When we feel cold, we do ask our moms for jackets or perhaps a warm hug. When we feel like crying, we do call on our siblings, our parents or friends and cry on to them.

Didn't you notice that as we grew older, we tend to go far from being honest and sincere -- far for being our own true selves. We've learned to pretend... to cover up... to become actors and actresses and play different roles. We drive away from our own true selves -- from being the innocent children that we are. The children who's idea of life is to simply love and be loved.

The dream of returning to innocence as I've said is just within our reach. We just have to relearn the things we do when we were kids. Rediscover life and living it with nothing else but love.

I do hope we all get to have the courage and be brave enough to go back to innocence. Only then we will all know who we really are.

Living in the Moment

I remember having dated this particular guy twice. A coffee date and a movie date. Mind you, it was Pirates of the Caribbean, the very first one. He was so apologetic about the film, well we both came from Mowelfund and we both know the difference between a film and a movie. I didn’t mind at all, it was a Johnny Depp movie anyway and I’m a huge fan. He was my batch mate at Mowelfund. Well, to add to that, I kinda like this guy then. He looks like Ken of the F4 in the Taiwanese soap Meteor Garden. He’s the prim and proper type. At that time he was also working in the production.

While havin’ coffee, a casual question popped out from this guy. (That was a Sunday or a Saturday, a lot of kids & parents are passing by the coffee shop.) He asked me at what age do I plan to get married and have kids. I candidly answered, “I don’t really plan things out…. I hate to have things laid out much… I don’t do things in order from 1 to 10…. It’s just not me…” Little did I know then that what I was trying to point out to him is that “I do live in the moment”.

Perhaps a guy hearing those words from me would get turned off. He might probably say that I’m a happy go lucky person in her 20’s who doesn’t have a foresight of what her life should be.

Living in the moment…. going with the flow… is not irresponsibility or having no plans at all. It is trusting and completely letting go of the steering wheel, knowing that a higher and bigger knowledge or being is working with you. It is saying ( or should I say practicing ) “To my Universe, find me where you know I need to be.”

It is letting go of doubts or fears by being aware that everyone is perfect and in the right place in their spiritual journey.

Right now, I’m just living in the moment. My Mom passed away but I did not blame God nor her doctors. I know that all these are part of the things that I have to work on in this lifetime.

I’ve been getting nice tvc projects too. A lot of challenges come my way though, but then again, I just live in the moment. I let things be.

I remember last week Dexter, my assistant in my casting work, asked me what our next move / agenda will be, I jokingly ( but with seriousness into it ) answered that I don’t plan things, I live in the moment.

About a year ago, there was also this friend and my Mowelfund buddy who was so bothered and who keeps on asking what his life would be like when he eventually ties the knot. I told him, If you really want to enjoy life, just be and live the moment. And don’t bother much of the what ifs and what will bes. Lesser worries and disappointments. Lesser doubts, lesser fears. Well, this friend indeed got married and I believe he’s enjoying life.

If you live in the moment, you wouldn’t feel your physical age much. It’s not the anti-aging cream or any other beauty product that will keep you young or even ageless…. it’s living in the moment.

Let go of the past and don’t bother much of the future. Unchain yourself from a lot of worries. Just be in the moment. Indulge in the moment.

To all those money saving freaks or should I say monsters, try this. You might realize that what you have ( at the moment ) is all you need. That’s a simple truth on Simple Abundance.

We can also restate that, what you don’t have is something that you do not need or would not need. Let us not chain ourselves to material things and to physical time (Chronos). There is indeed much more to life than all these.

At the moment, I am working on my entry to a film grant. I am just enjoying my writing, but I don’t worry much if I’ll get the grant or not. Of course, it would be a bonus if I’ll get it. Just a soft whisper to the breezes… Who knows they may just hear it…

On Missing Someone You Love ... your mom, lovelife, partner, kids... What more your Wife...

I admire my dad so much. It’s been only less than three months since my mom passed away. If she’s still alive, they’re gonna be celebrating their 39th wedding anniversary on May 20. Last January, when we attended the 50th wedding anniversary of my mom’s older brother & his wife, we were all just talking about their 50th wedding anniversary which is just a few years away. My three sisters and I were even computing our ages when that big event comes.

I remember about eight years ago when my mom became ill, when she just started having her dialysis, my dad was so sad then…. Telling us that he thought that he and my Mom would grow old together…. That is how my Dad loves our Mother.

Until now, his love for our Mom remains. One time in the cemetery, he told us his daughters that there are times when it would seem that our mom just went some place, perhaps took a vacation somewhere and would come home. Perhaps he greatly misses her. Thirty nine years of love is really something after all compared to the short lived relationship that I’ve had.

Those thirty nine years of great love between our parents is something that one would miss a lot if placed in the situation where my dad is in right now.

He had been with our mom through good and rough times in our lives. He had been true to their vows…. In sickness and in health, in richness and in poor, till death do them part.

I have only seen him cried three times as far as I can remember. When our Lola (his mother) died during 1980’s, second, when his older brother died and last, when our Mom died last March.

I know that in “Kairos” or in Spirit’s time, they shall meet again and continue their eternal love. I believe their relationship is a marriage of souls...

“Kairos is transcendence, infinity, reverence, joy, passion, love, the Sacred. Kairos is Spirit’s time. We exist in Chronos (clocks, deadlines, watches, agendas, schedules… Time at her worst.), we long for Kairos. That’s our duality …. In Kairos, we’re allowed to be. We reconnect with our Divinity in Kairos. Be willing to join in the dance. You are now in Kairos.”

My Mom Got My Email....

I told you my email would reach my mom somehow. Just before I totally got awake this morning I was talking to my Mom . . .

After she passed away, she never really got into my dreams nor visited me when I am awake, not until this morning.

Last night at the FX ride home from Megamall, I met this friendly young lady. She asked me about my Mom. She thought that the Crocs (which I bought as a gift for my father) that I have with me is for my Mom ‘cause mothers’ day is coming. That’s next weekend. Then I stopped a few seconds, I’ve realized there is no else at home to greet on Mothers’ Day.

Perhaps my Mom knew and felt what I felt last night…. The reason she came to my dream and talked to me just before I awaken. You know that half awake half -asleep stage….

Well, come to think of it, even when she was still alive, there were times when I would awaken and realize that I was just dreaming … most of the time I would be laughing like a little child playing with my Mom. I would tell her about that weird experience which happened a lot of times then and she would just smile and tell me …. “E di mabuti yun, masaya ka sa panaginip mo!”

Was that the message that my Mom was trying to get through me?

Perhaps, my Mom knows that I am still trying to help myself cope with her physical absence . . . that I am trying my best to be happy in the best way that I know.

My three other sisters, my niece and our Dad would always visit her tomb…. I don’t go there much. I’ve been there twice or thrice. It’s not that I don’t want to go there, it’s because I know how I can reach her or should I say I’ve got my own ways of getting through her. After all, she’s still an email or a text message away. We got a connection somehow.

Yes, I’ve already let her go but there are times when I would really miss her. While watching her video, silent tears came out from me.

I remember when I got to watch that indie film Tulad ng Dati which starred The Dawn, I remember what the two important characters Teddy and Jet said :

Teddy : Ano ginagawa mo pag may isang bagay ( o tao ) na nawawala?

Jet : Hinahanap.

Teddy : Pano kung di mahanap?

Jet : Pinapalitan.

Teddy : Pano kung di kayang palitan?

Jet : Tinatanggap.

We all go through these stages when we lose someone to death, to circumstance or to other people. When we lose somethings, some important things in our lives. We tend to hang on. To cling on to them. We should not, we just all have to learn to let go . . . to let them go.

To our Nanay, Happy Mother’s Day po!