My Mom Got My Email....

I told you my email would reach my mom somehow. Just before I totally got awake this morning I was talking to my Mom . . .

After she passed away, she never really got into my dreams nor visited me when I am awake, not until this morning.

Last night at the FX ride home from Megamall, I met this friendly young lady. She asked me about my Mom. She thought that the Crocs (which I bought as a gift for my father) that I have with me is for my Mom ‘cause mothers’ day is coming. That’s next weekend. Then I stopped a few seconds, I’ve realized there is no else at home to greet on Mothers’ Day.

Perhaps my Mom knew and felt what I felt last night…. The reason she came to my dream and talked to me just before I awaken. You know that half awake half -asleep stage….

Well, come to think of it, even when she was still alive, there were times when I would awaken and realize that I was just dreaming … most of the time I would be laughing like a little child playing with my Mom. I would tell her about that weird experience which happened a lot of times then and she would just smile and tell me …. “E di mabuti yun, masaya ka sa panaginip mo!”

Was that the message that my Mom was trying to get through me?

Perhaps, my Mom knows that I am still trying to help myself cope with her physical absence . . . that I am trying my best to be happy in the best way that I know.

My three other sisters, my niece and our Dad would always visit her tomb…. I don’t go there much. I’ve been there twice or thrice. It’s not that I don’t want to go there, it’s because I know how I can reach her or should I say I’ve got my own ways of getting through her. After all, she’s still an email or a text message away. We got a connection somehow.

Yes, I’ve already let her go but there are times when I would really miss her. While watching her video, silent tears came out from me.

I remember when I got to watch that indie film Tulad ng Dati which starred The Dawn, I remember what the two important characters Teddy and Jet said :

Teddy : Ano ginagawa mo pag may isang bagay ( o tao ) na nawawala?

Jet : Hinahanap.

Teddy : Pano kung di mahanap?

Jet : Pinapalitan.

Teddy : Pano kung di kayang palitan?

Jet : Tinatanggap.

We all go through these stages when we lose someone to death, to circumstance or to other people. When we lose somethings, some important things in our lives. We tend to hang on. To cling on to them. We should not, we just all have to learn to let go . . . to let them go.

To our Nanay, Happy Mother’s Day po!